Flaws, Mistakes and Shortcomings

In my life, I can admit I have a bunch of flaws, more so than I would hope to admit. The “funny” thing is that while I notice my everyday mess ups and “I could have done better” moments, I know I am not a perfect person. However, people who are not as close to me usually see me as a sweet, caring girl. I have grown up getting used to comments about how beautiful, smart and intelligent or kind I am. These comments come especially from coworkers of my parents when I visit their work, but mostly these comments are associated with anybody who does not know me and does not know how crazy I can actually be. When I hear these nice commits from other people, the first thing I think of is surely they cannot be talking about me, because while I try my hardest to be equally inclusive towards everybody I meet, I feel like I am more rude than I may presume. I feel like there is always something I can be better at or should have done and did not do. Yet when people tell me how great I am it is hard to believe them sometimes because I know I am not all the time as smart and intelligent or sweet as I may seem on the outside.

One of my weaker points is being assertive. It is hard for me to go up to anyone and just start talking or ask a question. Sometimes (like in sports or activities), this is a result of how I think of others before myself (sometimes I do this too much) and when I have the opportunity to hit the ball or make that solo I look to the other person before I decide whether it was really geared towards me or not. This sometimes results from me not believing in myself enough and also my lack of decision making. I am terrible at this!! My Aunt makes a joke about this every time we go to get ice cream. She has to time me on how long I am allowed to pick out my ice cream flavor, but if there are more than thirty flavors this can be real difficult! Also, on my exchange group this passed summer, my chaperones quickly discovered my flaw in decision making and made up a game in which they would throw me two choices and have me pick which one I would want more directly on the spot and say I could not take more than two seconds to decide my answer. This is a positive or negative flaw in my opinion, because if I have more time to make a decision, then I feel more comfortable and wiser about my choice, however it can also be awful because sometimes fast decisions can just not be escaped.

Lastly, what I would consider by far my biggest weakness would have to be my grades. This is a weakness for me because I tend to beat myself up over what I expect of myself and how well I actually do. I also know I can be better than I am so when I am not, I feel like I have failed myself. This is important to me mostly because my biggest pet peeve is when someone cannot or does not stick to their word. Because of this, I try my hardest to stick to everything I intend to accomplish, either towards others or myself. Since I expect this of others as well as myself, I am harder on myself because I know I am in control over whether I will commit to my expectations or not.

I am aware of my flaws, shortcomings and mistakes and am not usually afraid of admitting them because I understand everybody has gone through some or more than I have and in the end, just like Dimmesdale, I think our biggest enemy turns out to be ourselves if we are not careful.

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